THE RULES by Roberta Winchester-Leahy, Age 7 34
by werelemur
Summary: Sam and Eileen's daughter lays down the law for her baby brother.
1\. The most important rule is, I'm the oldest. I make the rules.

2\. Okay, so maybe Mama, Daddy and Uncle Dean make the rules. I'm still your big sister. I still get to tell you what to do. Which is why I'm making this list.

3\. You are a Legacy. You have to behave like it. Even if you are in the middle of the Terrible Twos.

4\. You aren't allowed in the armory, or the range, or the laboratory, or any of the storage rooms without an adult. (Don't worry, I'm not either.)

5\. Always stomp your feet when coming up behind Mama. You're good at stomping your feet, usually when you're screaming so hard that your face is turning red, so this shouldn't be too hard.

6\. If it bleeds, you can kill it.

7\. sPok/s sPouk/s Poughkeepsie means drop everything and run.

8\. You're not supposed to bother Castiel to heal your skinned knees. (But he will.)

9\. Stakes don't actually work on vampires. You have to decapitate them.

10\. Monster movies are usually made by people who don't know a lot about monsters.

11\. Don't leave your dishes in the sink. Wash them off and put them away.

12\. No pie before dinner.

13\. If the lights start flickering, tell Mama, Daddy, or Uncle Dean IMMEDIATELY.

14\. Unless it's an EMERGENCY, you should always knock before you go into Mama and Daddy's room. Sometimes they're KISSING in there.

15\. Angels are meanies. (This is not what Uncle Dean actually says, but that's a grown-up word and we're not supposed to say it. I'm especially not supposed to say it around you since you're starting to talk.)

16\. Mama can read lips REALLY WELL so she'll always know if you're using grown-up words.

17\. Don't talk to strangers.

18\. Especially don't talk to angels or demons. (This is hard. They look like everybody else.)

19\. Don't take candy from strangers. Who you are not allowed to talk to anyway.

20\. Take turns.

21\. Brush your teeth. Even though they will fall out anyway when you are my age. Then you get money for them.

22\. Say Please and Thank You.

23\. No crossroads deals, ever, under any circumstances.

24\. Don't run when we go to see Grandma. They will yell at you because they are afraid you will knock one of the Old People down.

25\. Grandma isn't actually related to us. So it's okay if she flirts with Uncle Dean.

26\. Family don't end in blood. (I'm not sure what that means. But it's Important.)

27\. You shoot werewolves with silver bullets. Unless they're Garth.

28\. Uncle Dean will take you to the range when you're older. You have to be very careful there. Also it's important to clean your guns after you shoot them.

29\. Put away your toys when you are done playing with them.

30\. If Mama, Daddy, or Uncle Dean ever puts you in a circle of salt, STAY THERE. This is Very Important.

31\. If you ever become a Belieber (I don't know what kind of monster that is), Uncle Dean will disown you. (I don't know what disown means, either. But it sounds bad.)

32\. School is boring, but you have to go anyway.

33\. If anybody asks, Mama and Daddy and Uncle Dean are in sales so they travel a lot. You especially don't tell them about the Family Business.

34\. Our Family Business is Saving People AND Hunting Things. You can't forget the first part.

35\. You lay ghosts to rest by salting and burning their bones.

36\. Driver picks the music. Shotgun shuts his cakehole.

37\. There probably aren't any sLeva/s Leviathans left, but you should keep Borax around anyway. It's good for cleaning things too.

38\. Complaining about your chores only gets you more chores.

39\. No dogs in the Impala.

40\. Also don't ask for a puppy. If asking for a puppy worked, I would have gotten one by now.

41\. Especially don't ask Crowley for a puppy.

42\. We are not allowed to talk to Crowley without an adult present.

43\. Research is important. Otherwise you might end up going after a Wendigo with a silver dagger, or something dumb like that.

44\. You kill a Wendigo with a flare gun.

45\. Beer tastes worse than medicine. I don't know anybody would drink it. Grown-ups are weird.

46\. There is no monster under the bed. Or in the closet. Mama drew the sigils there herself, so you know it's safe.

47\. I know this seems like an awful lot of rules but you don't have to remember them all just yet. I'm here to protect you. You're my baby brother, and I'm going to take care of you no matter what. Always.


End file.
